Interpretation:
When standing in the red zone, cover your genitals with a towel or else they will catch on fire.
Interpretation:
Attention: If a deformed star hijacks your car and gets in a wreck, call a floating moose for roadside assistance.
Interpretation:
When attempting hovering interspecies breeding with a giant phallus-shaped, tenticled alien, beware of giant drill bits on the ship that might impale you.
Interpretation:
Do not attempt to mount a short colonnade doggie-style.
Interpretation:
Guys -- put it away on the escalator. It belongs between your legs, not in your hands.
Interpretation:
Beware -- pedestrians of all ages may be on illicit substances, dancing in a circle in the middle of the street.
Alternately:
40 Points for running into people on foot.
Interpretation:
If your penis is erect and bends upward, do not sit down to pee. (Really, the janitors hate cleaning the ceiling).
Interpretation:
Find the ski-lift without a chair attached for extra pleasure on the slopes.
See, these signs are completely self-explanatory.